A wretched bitter pain

I hate thinking of you,
Everything becomes hard to understand,
It makes me feel so lost,
Like sinking into quicksand

I know if my heart was open to all,
I would soon fade away,
Ashamed of my cake-mix feelings
That I feel deep each day

Yet I feel so keenly your presence,
And at the back of my mind,
I try to please you,
Though I know I'm but batting half blind

Tears roll down my chin now,
Because I want this to be real,
Yet I'm scared they're just a whisper,
Oh, how I wish I couldn't feel!

I'm so afraid to loose my heart,
To have it broken just like before
A wretched bitter pain,
For ever thinking there was more

And how embarassed I would be,
If you found out the truth,
That you hardly know me,
But I pretend to know you

So break these dreams now,
Shatter them on the floor,
Silence them forever,
Please shut my heart with a door

Because if you tell me they are false
Perhaps they will go away,
And I will be able to close my eyes,
Sleeping peacefully once again